I Don't Get It -- Jive Tofurkey

Happy Thanksgiving Day everyone!

I hope your day is filled with fun, food and family. And now that I got that crap out of the way, I have to get something off my chest. And I'm going to say it politely. Please, please,PLEASE don't anyone else ask me ever again if I'm eating Tofurkey today.

I think I understand what it would be like to be the lone Jewish kid on the block at Christmas. I would love to go through one November without a Tofurky comment. Just because I don't eat turkey or any other kind of meat doesn't mean that I feel so excluded that I'd spend a ton of money on a blend of tofu and wheat carved into the shape of a bird with four drumsticks made of tempeh.

How many foods are served during a traditional Thanksgiving dinner? I can, and will, eat most of them, including all of the desserts. But I won't eat turkey. So what? Big deal. Look, it's not as if you really care what I'm eating. I can tell by the snicker that often accompanies the question. Is it because Tofurky is a funny word, kind of like Spam. I think so. So why don't you just get it out of your system now?

Tofurky.

Tofurky.

Tofurky.

Tofurky.

There, I feel better. Do you?

So go ahead, eat your turkey. But pass the mashed potatoes, string bean casserole, veggie stuffing and the pumpkin pie. And yes, I'll have another beer, or three.

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Besides Thanksgiving, it is also the first birthday for Distractions, which started last Thanksgiving with this initial post.